First Love
by Luv2write4u13
Summary: The end of an era? Differences between Bianca and Drew after marriage causes them to rethink whether they did the right thing or if Audra was right all along.


"…this classical theory is coincides with what we will begin studying next week, so I want you all to make sure you read chapters seven and eight before coming to class on Tuesday. Any questions?"

"Pshh, Curly Top…what you doing after class tonight?"

The young, brunette looked from her teacher to her right where a young, mocha skinned Landon Bates was trying to get her attention. When she first began the class about theories about four weeks ago, she and Landon became fast friends after being assigned a project together within the first few days. Before then, she had not been enjoying her first semester in college. Once class would end, she was the first to leave the classroom, be in her car, and back home resuming her life. Of course, after she got into the regular routine of her five classes, she began to enjoy college life.

"I don't think that was what she meant by 'any questions'," the brunette remarked in her trademark, controlled voice, a smart smirk following her feisty remark.

Landon shook his head. He was aware that his classmate lingered on to every word the teacher said, giving her "undivided attention" to the lectures twice a week, but for him, once it got to a particular point in class where it was almost over, he _always_ mentally checked out. Not Curly Top though. She was always attentive to the last second, taking notes and participating as if it were only she and whoever was discussing in the class.

He waited for the teacher to end class before he caught up with Curly Top. These days, he noticed, she seemed to stay on campus a lot longer than usual. She was not rushing to get home like she used to. In fact, it was as if she was never in a hurry to get home at all.

"Hey," she said with a smile when he approached her desk. She was gathering her belongings and stuffing them in her bag.

"Hey."

"You were asking me what I was doing tonight?"

"Yeah," her male companion replied. He watched as she stood up effortlessly, her tank top rising and teasing him with a peek of her peachy flesh before she pulled it down. She tossed her long, dark curls over one shoulder and then grabbed her bag, carrying it on her other shoulder. "I wondered if you want to go get a bite to eat or something."

She paused and glanced at the red watch on her wrist. She was thinking, pondering the thought, and then she shook her head to his dismay. "I wish I could, Landon…maybe next time." She touched his arm and looked up into his dark brown eyes. "I just—I have a lot of things to do at home."

Before he could reply, maybe try to convince her otherwise, she was off down the hallway and on her way. He watched her leave before he moved on, so enchanted by her beauty and her mystery. He did not know much about his classmate. He thought by now he would. When they initially became partners for class they spent plenty of time together doing research, sharing laughs, and getting to know one another. She grew on him. She seemed to like him too and he was sure that especially with them at least being friends they would spend more time together, but that was not the case with Curly Top. Faithfully, he asked her out every week and she would always hesitate before turning him down gently. It was always the same.

* * *

She leaned against the stoned walls of her university courtyard, closed her eyes, and took a long puff of her cigarette. She allowed the smoke to circle around her mouth, her tongue, her teeth, before inhaling it and allowing it to dance between the two of her lungs. With each hit she felt every ounce of anxiety in her stomach, in her heart, in her mind, disappear until it was out and she was left feeling numb and alone.

She reached inside her pocket and felt the solid, iciness of the metal. She couldn't believe that after all she had gone through, this is how her life turned out. She bit her bottom lip, the feeling distracting her from her emotions as she found her way to her car. Shaking her head she pulled open the door, an aroma of old fast food hitting her nostrils as she got inside. It was due for a cleaning; empty bags, papers, bottles, and old cups from fast food restaurants littered the vehicle.

She was disgusted. She fought the anger that was rising inside her otherwise tranquil body. 9:47. With a little less than fifteen minutes of freedom left, she started the car and made her way to the shopping mall. _Ten minutes…eight minutes…five minutes…_mentally she counted, the dread amounting the closer the mall got into view. She was cruising, but in her heart she wanted to go in reverse, not just in the car, but also in life. If she could, she would go back. Back to high school. Back to Degrassi. Back to being free without the reality of life weighing her down.

She pulled up in front of one of the side doors at the mall, turned the car off, and waited. She appreciated the silence that followed, closed her eyes, and leaned her head back against the seat.

One breath.

Two breaths.

Three.

She reached inside her pocket once more, her fingers reuniting with the circular metal that began to warm with her body heat. Slowly, she pulled it out – her wedding ring – and slipped it onto her finger. She didn't examine it this time, as she usually did while she waited for Drew to accompany her in the car from work. It felt heavy on her finger. She felt like a shadow of her former self, as if the ring was sucking the life out of her.

Before she got married, she imagined it…being someone's wife. Not even _someone's_ wife, but Drew's. The love that they shared would be enough to make it through anything. Her love was going to be enough for Drew to replace the love and attention from his mother. His love was going to be enough to repair the damage of Bianca's childhood. She wanted to take care of Drew and he wanted to provide for her. Love, they thought, would be enough.

They didn't realize that love could change. They didn't think about the fact that they were still growing and with that, they would be changing too. They didn't think about how _young_ they were and how much of their lives were left to make big decisions like that; they just thought about the present. Unrealistically.

Moving together and being under each other 24/7 made Bianca realize…she didn't really know Drew. His outbursts of anger frightened her. Deep down inside, she saw, he was still a young boy. He _needed_ her. He needed her love and attention and reassurance. When things didn't go his way he reacted violently, although he would never lay a hand on her, but once his tantrums were over, Bianca went to cooing and stroking and cuddling, doing all that she could to tend to her husband.

She was conflicted.

Things had gradually got to this point. Once they were married, Drew began saving for their own place while Bianca planned for graduation. He surprised her with a cute, little house as a graduation gift, and they spent the summer blissfully as newlyweds. It was shortly after all of Drew's money began going towards bills that the stress began mounting. It got worse when Bianca began taking classes at the community college in the fall. When she spent time away from him, he got worried. He didn't like her spending extra time on campus. He didn't like her being around all those guys. Going to the library caused enough fights between the two of them that she stopped going – it wasn't worth the drama.

She loved Drew, but Bianca began to look at him differently. He had never been so jealous, so smothering and jealous, and it was difficult to deal with. Plus, being in college opened up an entire world to her that she had never experienced. It was enriching, learning, and she wanted to maximize her opportunity there. Marriage was all about compromise, but it was unfair that she was wasting her tuition dollars to fund a library that she never got to enjoy.

And then there was Landon.

Thinking back to high school, never did she think that she would ever meet a guy who could cause her to question her feelings for her husband. The competition at Degrassi was nonexistent, but once she made it into college, she found herself around so many guys who were interested in school as she was: not just about finishing but about succeeding in the environment. Although he promised, Drew had yet to look into finishing high school or getting his GED, and she noticed a difference between him and the guys she was surrounded by on campus.

She understood why he felt threatened. He felt inadequate and she did whatever she could to boost his self-esteem. She purred in his ear and massaged his back and kissed him everywhere it mattered, but it was only a temporary fix…and she was running out of patience. Drive. Energy.

Most importantly, however, she was running out of love.


End file.
